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  #91  
Old 03-07-2010, 11:29 PM
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Default Re: Joke Thread: Post all Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by dave986 View Post
how did the electron get to the cpu?
It took a BUS
A good computer geek joke. I got that one.

I must be a computer geek?
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  #92  
Old 03-26-2010, 02:38 PM
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Default Re: Joke Thread: Post all Jokes

Speaking of health care overhaul...

A pig and a chicken fell in love.

They Kissed.

The next day the pig died of bird flu, and the chicken died of swine flu.
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  #93  
Old 04-04-2010, 09:48 AM
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Default Re: Joke Thread: Post all Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Link View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by dave986 View Post
how did the electron get to the cpu?
It took a BUS
A good computer geek joke. I got that one.

I must be a computer geek?
Then you both should like this:

Tech support from Dr. Seuss


If a packet hits a pocket
on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted
at a very last resort,

and the access of the memory
makes your floppy disk abort.
Then the socket packet pocket
has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item
followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon
puts your window in the trash;

and your data is corrupted
cuz the index doesn't hash,
then the situation's hopeless
and your system's gonna crash.

If the label on the cable
at your house,
says the network is connected to
the button on your mouse,

but your packets want to
tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected
by the printer down the hall,

and your screen is all distorted
by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window
are as wavy as a souse;

then you may as well reboot
and go out with a bang,
cuz sure as I'm a poet,
the sucker's gonna hang !

When the copy of your floppy's
getting sloppy in the disc
and the microcode instructions
cause unnecessary risk,

then you'll have to flash the memory
and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer
and be sure to tell your Mom!
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  #94  
Old 12-09-2010, 02:54 PM
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Smile Re: Joke Thread: Post all Jokes

Heard this joke from a friend:

What do you call people who are crazy about Walmart?







Walnuts!
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  #95  
Old 12-09-2010, 03:04 PM
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Smile Re: Joke Thread: Post all Jokes

A friend told me this joke:

A priest warned a boy, "If you masturbate too much, you'll go blind."

The boy thought for a moment and asked, "Can I do it till I need glasses?"








Last edited by Subject; 12-27-2010 at 02:43 PM.
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  #96  
Old 12-09-2010, 03:21 PM
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Default Re: Joke Thread: Post all Jokes

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when through a gap in the door he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move and lets his overalls fall down to his hips revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his stained tee shirt underneath. With a final flourish he tears the tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay. Having seen enough Cletus rushes in and says "what the heck are you doing Billy Bob."

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob, "but me and the Ole lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
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  #97  
Old 12-10-2010, 01:51 AM
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Default Re: Joke Thread: Post all Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sockratease View Post
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when through a gap in the door he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move and lets his overalls fall down to his hips revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his stained tee shirt underneath. With a final flourish he tears the tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay. Having seen enough Cletus rushes in and says "what the heck are you doing Billy Bob."

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob, "but me and the Ole lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
GROAN.
But better than my jokes.
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  #98  
Old 01-27-2011, 08:51 PM
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Default Re: Joke Thread: Post all Jokes

Resignation Letter Of the P EN I S

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

I am willing to work any shift.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

The response:

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated work area and are often seen visiting
other locations.

You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.

You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing
the
correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed
the
assigned task.

And if that were not enough, you have been constantly entering and
exiting
the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management
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  #99  
Old 01-27-2011, 08:52 PM
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Default Re: Joke Thread: Post all Jokes

What part of your body goes to heaven first????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------

The teacher while teaching was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question,
"When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"

Gauri raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Gauri?"

Gauri replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the teacher said.

Little Ramu raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's your legs.

"The teacher looked at him with the strangest look on her face.

"Now, Ramu, why do you think it would be your legs?"

Naughty Ramu said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night.

Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God! here I come . . .

"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The teacher fainted.
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  #100  
Old 03-28-2011, 09:15 AM
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Smile What are they teaching kids today?

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  #101  
Old 03-29-2011, 10:48 AM
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Smile Lucky Dino!

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  #102  
Old 04-01-2011, 01:29 PM
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Smile Gallows humor?

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  #103  
Old 04-01-2011, 04:57 PM
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Smile B&W

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  #104  
Old 04-02-2011, 10:11 AM
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Smile Nice chuckle

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  #105  
Old 04-02-2011, 12:58 PM
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Talking You picked out the costumes!

I took my plug without a peep!

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  #106  
Old 04-03-2011, 10:21 AM
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Wink Betty Boop toon

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  #107  
Old 04-03-2011, 04:11 PM
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Smile Barbie & Ken scene

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  #108  
Old 04-04-2011, 12:28 PM
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Wink Child's play?

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  #109  
Old 04-04-2011, 01:59 PM
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  #110  
Old 04-05-2011, 11:17 AM
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Smile Contribution to the Generation of a Minor Goddess?

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  #111  
Old 04-05-2011, 04:25 PM
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Question Cuckoldress in action?

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  #112  
Old 04-06-2011, 11:44 AM
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Smile For a giantess?

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  #113  
Old 04-06-2011, 04:58 PM
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Wink Her introduction to BDSM

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  #114  
Old 04-07-2011, 10:19 AM
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Red face The reason intact papyrus is so difficult to find today!

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  #115  
Old 04-08-2011, 08:55 AM
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Wink Smurf BDSM

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  #116  
Old 04-08-2011, 09:34 AM
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Red face Treatment for hypothermia?





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  #117  
Old 04-08-2011, 10:11 AM
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Red face Toy retrieval?



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  #118  
Old 04-08-2011, 12:09 PM
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Red face Polling

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  #119  
Old 04-08-2011, 12:58 PM
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Smile Not if they can tax it outrageously!

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  #120  
Old 04-08-2011, 12:59 PM
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Smile The cream always gets a rise!

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