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  #121  
Old 10-17-2007, 06:13 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

While it's true,men and women look at things from different points of view.And sometimes their are certain rules that are applied differently according to gender.Their are certain rules that apply to humanity as a whole,and these should remain constant.Therefor what constitutes cheating for one,must have the same meaning for the other,lest we give rise to totaltarinism.Besides if you are in a truly commited relationship,you should be able to trust each other with your secrets.I do realize that it is far easier to hand someone moneyand have them do things to you that you think your partner would'nt,but isn't that being selfish?Not even giving your partner a chance?I don't know about yawl but I hate people to tell me how I will react to something that I don't even know about.My mind maybe alittle more open than you think. At anyrate if you don't want your partner to find out,then it's cheating irreguardless of gender.A stiff dick has no conscience,but if you can detach big head from little head you got serious problems-----------Mike
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  #122  
Old 10-17-2007, 01:13 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Quote:
Originally Posted by subman159
While it's true,men and women look at things from different points of view.And sometimes their are certain rules that are applied differently according to gender.Their are certain rules that apply to humanity as a whole,and these should remain constant.Therefor what constitutes cheating for one,must have the same meaning for the other.
THANK YOU!!!!! That was exactly the point I was trying to make! That was my initial question, if your partner went to a guy/master for the same things you go to a female/Domme would you consider it cheating? That answers the question, whatever your answer is. It's not a male/female difference thing. I was trying to take that factor out of it, and just look at it as two humans beings.

And I think the thing that seals the deal on whether it's cheating or not is, if you're sneaking around behind your wife/girlfriend's back to do this, then you obviously think it's cheating in your own mind. The fact that you're sneaking around to do this, should settle this argument.

Of course if your partner knows and doesn't mind then of course it's not even a question of it being cheating or not cheating. Again I'm not passing judgment on anyone here, I'm just tossing in my take on it. I'm not saying if it's wrong or right, I'm just saying that if you want the answer to the main question, just ask yourself if the shoe were on the other foot, what would you think.
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  #123  
Old 10-19-2007, 01:40 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

well from the womans point of view it would be, because she would take it as you not being happy with your sex life so u have to go see another woman, and thats cheating
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  #124  
Old 10-24-2007, 07:05 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

It's simple for me, if I'm seeking sexual fulfillment from another women in person, then its cheating. That's just me, though.
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  #125  
Old 10-26-2007, 04:30 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Quote:
Originally Posted by yamahadell
It's simple for me, if I'm seeking sexual fulfillment from another women in person, then its cheating. That's just me, though.
How about going to a strip club. Is that cheating. would it matter if you got a lap dance. How about having sex with your girl and fantasising about another women. Is that cheating. To many religious people it is considered cheating since in spiritual terms the mind can be even deeper then action. No matter how you slice it all these things are cheating to some degree. The question is where do you draw the line.
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  #126  
Old 10-27-2007, 09:36 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

I do belive that it is an act of cheating depending on the person mainly becausse if he/she is very sensative teh the actual amount of pain may be incredible.
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  #127  
Old 10-27-2007, 05:21 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

I really cant make up my mind too.

On one hand I'm convinced that married men who visit prodommes are just seeking therapy, to help themselves satisfy an obsession.

Yet, I can't shake off the notion that its finding sexual gratification from another person.
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  #128  
Old 10-28-2007, 04:42 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Well I don't think anyone is gonna change anyone else's opinion when it comes to this subject. And anyone who's doing it and deep down really thinks it's cheating is gonna rationalize it to himself and to everyone else, so he doesn't feel guilty about it, and never admit to it even if he thinks it cheating.

But I'll stick to my original thought about, if you didn't think it was cheating you wouldn't be sneaking around doing it behind your partner's back I don't think. If you didn't think it was cheating, why wouldn't you just tell you better half, "I'm going to see a Domme, I'll be back in time for dinner......Love ya."
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  #129  
Old 10-28-2007, 05:31 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueA86
Well I don't think anyone is gonna change anyone else's opinion when it comes to this subject. And anyone who's doing it and deep down really thinks it's cheating is gonna rationalize it to himself and to everyone else, so he doesn't feel guilty about it, and never admit to it even if he thinks it cheating.

But I'll stick to my original thought about, if you didn't think it was cheating you wouldn't be sneaking around doing it behind your partner's back I don't think. If you didn't think it was cheating, why wouldn't you just tell you better half, "I'm going to see a Domme, I'll be back in time for dinner......Love ya."
The same reason I wouldn't tell my better half while I'm making love to her that I'm fantasising about someone else. Don't get me wrong ,I have a great relationship with my wife and usually think only of her during sex. At times however my thoughts wander. I believe you would have to be quite the fool to say during sex "Honey, as were fucking I'm imagining your pussy to be the hot blonds across the street". Even in the interest of total honesty in a relationship, some things are better left unsaid.
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  #130  
Old 10-28-2007, 06:50 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

But there's a huge difference between fantasizing about something and actually going out and doing something don't ya think? I'm sure your lady would prefer you fantasize about a mistress rather than actually going to one.
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  #131  
Old 10-28-2007, 07:01 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueA86
But there's a huge difference between fantasizing about something and actually going out and doing somthing don't ya think? I'm sure your lady would prefer you fantasize about a mistress rather than actually going to one.
Agreed. I also agree that its cheating ,as you say if its not than just tell her and don't sneak around. My point is that there are degrees to cheating and everyone has to make their own decision as to where to draw the line.Flirting,fantasising,strip clubs,lap dances,phone sex,cyber sex,hooker sex,doms,they are all cheating to one extent or another. Personally I draw the line by actual sex,others I know truly try not to cheat on any level. So to answer Mistress Taylor's original question:Seeing a Dominatrix is considered cheating,but so is going to strip clubs ,fantasizing, flirting etc. Its a matter of personal scruples as to where to draw the line.
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  #132  
Old 10-28-2007, 09:15 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

But your forgetting something. It's not about the line you draw on all of this. It's the line your spouse or girlfriend draws. It doesn't matter if you consider it cheating or not, it's what the other person who you claim you love thinks. Even if it doesn't involve actual sex. That's probably the best way to answer this. Whatever her line is, and you cross it, then it's cheating.
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  #133  
Old 10-28-2007, 10:36 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Correct. This is what Im saying.Its definitely cheating. But so is fantasising, and ogling women at strip clubs or casual flirting at work ,albeit to a lesser degree. Thats the question,to what degree are you cheating. In my opinion visiting a Dom is a further degree than say, fantasizing or going to a strip club,but a lesser degree than casual sex,and a far lesser degree than a full blown sexual affair where you actually develop romantic feelings for the one you are cheating with.
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  #134  
Old 10-28-2007, 11:52 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Not to step on anyone's toes, but the only thing I consider to be actual cheating is full on sexual activity. Blowjobs, cunnilingus, analingus, handjobs, fingering, fucking, any kind of physical sexual activity is cheating.

Anything else isn't. To me, anyway.
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  #135  
Old 10-29-2007, 04:52 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Link
Not to step on anyone's toes, but the only thing I consider to be actual cheating is full on sexual activity. Blowjobs, cunnilingus, analingus, handjobs, fingering, fucking, any kind of physical sexual activity is cheating.

Anything else isn't. To me, anyway.
But Link a relationship is based on trust. If you abuse the trust in this evil way (you hide your strongest sexual wish and live it out with another woman) I think you don't deserve the love of your wife/girlfriend. Maybe this sounds hard, but you just don't deserve her love. This is for both sides men and women.

And why physical sex is more worth to you than psychical? I would say it's the opposite! A BDSM relationship is more intimate than a simple fuck.

I mean you present all what you have to a domme. Your devotion, your obedience, in fact your whole sexuality. You give a stranger so much power over you and your wife sits at home and is cooking a meal? Sorry but this is not only cheating this is so fucking mean that I can't find an english word for it right now.

And please don't feel offended I said "you" but I mean it in general.
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  #136  
Old 10-29-2007, 08:09 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

It's true maybe to a certain extent what Elie said about different degrees of what is considered cheating, such as fantasy, flirting etc. but come on now. Which would you rather have your woman do? Fantasize about another person, or go out and seek some sort of sexual fulfillment from another man. So yeah the mental stuff may be considered cheating to a very lesser degree but noone on this planet has NOT done that. You can't even control that I don't think. The difference is if you act on it or not. Everyone may think about doing other stuff, but everyone doesn't act on it.

So I'm not sure I buy the theory that everything is cheating anyway, so I might as well go do what I want. That seems to be rationale to justify what you're doing. That theory wouldn't work in any other facet of life. Example......

You go to a bank, and the bank teller is counting out huge amounts of money onto the counter. In your mind you fantasize about stealing that money and what you could do with it. Does that make you a thief? Who hasn't done that? Or who hasn't thought or felt like killing someone who pissed you off? Does that make you a killer? So that's my argument on thinking about something and actually doing it. That's a huge leap to try and connect the two as the same thing. Fantasy, flirting.....you'd be hard pressed to find anyone on this planet who hasn't done that, but to try to put the two in the same category and as having the same value is reaching a little I think.

To me in my simple little mind it seems like anyone would have thought about what you want when it comes to this type of stuff before you marry or make a huge commitment of any kind. I'm pretty sure noone puts a gun to your head to make you get married or commit in any form.
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  #137  
Old 10-29-2007, 08:19 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

How about lap dances ?
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  #138  
Old 10-29-2007, 08:30 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Well first of all, if you're someone who is going to all of the above: Dommes, stirpclubs, paying for lapdances etc. Whether it's cheating or not should be the least of your worries. You should be worried about your relationship. Something is wrong there.

But to answer your question. I don't know where I would fall on lap dances. I've never had one, so I can't speak from experience. I know there's different kinds of those, so I guess it depends on which type it is and again where your partner draws the line.
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  #139  
Old 10-29-2007, 09:43 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Of course not, Dark. No offenses here. Just adults having a quite lively debate.

Blue covered the point well. We are humans. It's the way a human mind works; to think, to wonder, to wish for, to dream. Very few humans get to have absolutely everything that their mind wants.

If we can say "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" and all the other variations of that "this does not leave this room" concept, then we can definitely have "what happens in the mind stays in the mind". As long as we don't act on our thoughts of lust, we've fouled not.

I believe that it's unrealistic to think that you can just reprogram your mind on some moral principle that humans must devote 100 percent of their body, mind, and soul to one person and one person only.

You get into a relationship and you can't look at another girl.

You can't see another girl naked.

You can't think another girl is cute or pretty or sexy or beautiful under any circumstances.

You can't even think about another girl, period.

You can't hug another girl. You can't touch another girl.

You can't have female friends.

Because you have a girlfriend, and to have absolutely anything to do with another girl means that you'd be cheating on your girlfriend and don't deserve her love?

Not hardly.

What happens when you break up with that girlfriend, as often happens in today's times? That means you're finished with girls forever? Because every time you find another girl then it means every relationship you had prior to that was false to begin with.

That's the problem with the "one person, one love" concept. That means one person for life, no excuses and no exceptions.
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  #140  
Old 10-29-2007, 09:48 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Quote:
Originally Posted by elie
How about lap dances ?
I've had lap dances where the girl stays at least 3 feet from you most of the time, and occasionally will step closer and barely brush your knee with her thigh or something.

I've had lap dances where the girl will do everything in her power to dry hump an ejaculation out of you. Full on, intense grinding right on the johnson. Trying to put her nipples in your mouth.

I've had lap dances where the girl has tried to initiate fellatio and/or sex.

Take your pick on whether or not any or all of them are cheating.
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  #141  
Old 10-29-2007, 10:56 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

I'll refer to my statement from yesterday, if your partner thinks it's cheating.....then it's cheating. Be it whatever. If she doesn't think getting a lapdance is cheating, then it's not, if she does then it is. That's the easiest way to gauge this whole cheating thing, because every woman will have her own set of boundaries.
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  #142  
Old 10-29-2007, 04:32 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

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Originally Posted by Link
Of course not, Dark. No offenses here. Just adults having a quite lively debate.

Blue covered the point well. We are humans. It's the way a human mind works; to think, to wonder, to wish for, to dream. Very few humans get to have absolutely everything that their mind wants.

If we can say "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" and all the other variations of that "this does not leave this room" concept, then we can definitely have "what happens in the mind stays in the mind". As long as we don't act on our thoughts of lust, we've fouled not.

I believe that it's unrealistic to think that you can just reprogram your mind on some moral principle that humans must devote 100 percent of their body, mind, and soul to one person and one person only.

You get into a relationship and you can't look at another girl.

You can't see another girl naked.

You can't think another girl is cute or pretty or sexy or beautiful under any circumstances.

You can't even think about another girl, period.

You can't hug another girl. You can't touch another girl.

You can't have female friends.

Because you have a girlfriend, and to have absolutely anything to do with another girl means that you'd be cheating on your girlfriend and don't deserve her love?

Not hardly.

What happens when you break up with that girlfriend, as often happens in today's times? That means you're finished with girls forever? Because every time you find another girl then it means every relationship you had prior to that was false to begin with.

That's the problem with the "one person, one love" concept. That means one person for life, no excuses and no exceptions.
If you choose this lifestyle that's totally ok, but be honest. If you think your wife can't satisfy all your needs then you should have the balls and say this to her or be quiet and do a compromise.

You know in a relationship both partners have to resign some things. No relationship is perfect you always need compromises. If you are looking for the perfect feelings and the perfect lifestyle a serious relationship is the last thing for you. But I doubt you will find your own perfection.

The way to a happy life is to accept that perfection is impossible and that you have to give up one thing to get another. If you want the whole cake you are just greedy and greed is poison for a happy life. That' my stand.
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  #143  
Old 10-29-2007, 06:19 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

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Originally Posted by BlueA86
I'll refer to my statement from yesterday, if your partner thinks it's cheating.....then it's cheating. Be it whatever. If she doesn't think getting a lapdance is cheating, then it's not, if she does then it is. That's the easiest way to gauge this whole cheating thing, because every woman will have her own set of boundaries.
I agree . Every women is diffrent. Some women would flip out if they knew their husband looks at porn while others will kiss then as they head out to the nudie bar with the guys. I also agree that if your sneaking around then its cheating.As far as the degrees of cheating,refer to my earlier comments ,but yes,Its cheating.
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  #144  
Old 10-29-2007, 09:22 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

This all sounds like "situational ethics" to me.

In my mind, whatever you are comfortable by your own standards is not cheating.

To me, the trick is to find a partner with the same reasoning.

Personally, I don't believe that God ro Nature intended monogamy to exist.

As long as she always comes home to me and tends to my needs the way I tend to hers, everything is right with the world.
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  #145  
Old 10-30-2007, 06:03 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

It is cheating if you don't tell her. I mean that says the word "cheating". This topic is not about monogamy or fulfilling your deepest desires. It's about lying to the person who loves and trust you.
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  #146  
Old 10-30-2007, 09:03 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Yup
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  #147  
Old 11-04-2007, 11:34 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

Honesty is the key. I know many people who have a poly partner and they themselves are monogamous. It just depends on the communication and dynamics. Secrecy is the worst emotional betrayal, IMHO.
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Old 11-13-2007, 08:37 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

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Old 02-10-2009, 11:41 PM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

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Old 02-12-2009, 01:10 AM
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Default Re: Is a visit to a Dominatrix considered Cheating???

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Mistress Taylor, forgive me for saying I do not understand your post.
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